Book Clubs

book clubs

Everything We Thought is True is the perfect choice for a book club read!

Lisa’s debut novel will stimulate insightful discussions around family, identity, secrets, and more.

Below you’ll find a Book Club Kit that you can download for members of your group. It includes Discussion Questions and Behind the Scenes items for the novel, including the official Author’s Note, Resources, Food and Recipes, and Music Playlists. If you prefer only a list of Discussion Questions, you’ll also find those below.

If your book club selects Lisa’s Everything We Thought Was True for an upcoming read, she would love to join your club for an Author Chat. She is happy to join via Zoom for a virtual chat. Or, if your club is local (Northern California) or her travels take her to your area, an in-person meeting would be awesome. She may even bring the Prosecco! For in-person appearances, she will happily sign copies of the novel that club members bring to the meet up.

Interested in having Lisa join your group? Submit a request through the Contact page.

Spread the Word: Have friends in a different book club? Suggest they read Everything We Thought Was True and sign up for an Author Chat, too.

Book club in restaurant

Lisa loves to hear from book clubs about their meetings. Feel free to post to and tag her on social media, or email her photos or comments you’d like to share.

Also, if you aren’t yet subscribed to the Prosecco & Prose newsletter, be sure to do so. Lisa sends updates on her author journey, book recommendations, musings on the writing life and community, and introduces you to great authors.

Finally, please take a moment to post a review, however short (even just a star rating!), of Everything We Thought Was True on Amazon, Goodreads, Barnes and Noble, BookBub, or any other bookseller or book review site. Reviews are like gold to an author and help give the book a boost online!

Thank you so much for selecting Everything We Thought Was True for your book club!

Book Club Kit

Ciao!

I’m delighted that your book club has chosen to read Everything We Thought Was True. I adore book clubs and have had the pleasure of being a member of several over the years – in person and virtually. Book club members are passionate readers who enjoy discussing books on a deeper level and connecting with each other over great reads – and often delicious food and drinks, too. The idea of book clubs reading MY novel is thrilling!

I hope you have a great meeting. To help you prepare, I’ve created a Book Club Kit. You’ll see what’s included below.

Thank you so much for reading! I hope you enjoy spending time with the Antinori family and their Italian-style drama.

Grazie ~ Lisa

  • Discussion Questions: These questions should provide a good starting point for a rich and engaging book club discussion about the themes, characters, and plot of the novel. Feel free to come up with your own, too (and share with me so I can add them to the list).
  • Author’s Note: I’ve included the official Author’s Note that appears at the end of the novel. Readers have said they may love it even more than the book. High praise!
  • Resources: I’ve included books and media that I used as research or that inspired me as I wrote the novel. You will also find the official Resources that appear at the end of the novel, including a comprehensive LGBTQ History Timeline. However, there are noteworthy additions that I’ve added since the novel was published.

  • Food & Recipes: Food plays a significant part in the novel and in every Italian family, so I’ve included some recipes that appear within the pages. If you make any, snap a pic and send it to me or post on social media and tag me. For a book club, I highly recommend serving Prosecco. Salute…Cheers!

  • Music Playlists: A musical journey to go along with the Antinori’s family “opera.” I’ve included a playlist for each of the three main characters. You can listen on your own when reading the book or consider playing one of the playlists during your book club event. Happy listening!

Discussion Questions

The following questions should provide a good starting point for a rich and engaging book club discussion about the themes, characters, and plot of the novel. Feel free to come up with your own, too (and share with me so I can add them to the list).

  1. Which character do you identify with most, and why?
  2. Most families carry secrets. Does your family have any, and how have they affected you?
  3. The novel features both a mother-daughter dynamic, and a father-daughter one. Have you experienced a similar or different dynamic than the ones featured in the novel, either as a parent or child?
  4. Frank and Lena both experience an aspect of “living in the closet.” What are some of the so-called “closets” that you often hide in and why?
  5. How does the dual timeline structure of the novel contribute to your understanding of the characters and their motivations?
  6. The novel takes place on the East Coast (New York) and West Coast (Los Angeles) of the U.S. How do the settings reflect or influence the characters’ journeys?
  7. How does the Spaghetti and Peas incident symbolize larger themes in the novel? Is there an event or incident in your life that is especially significant for you?
  8. What do you think Frank’s boat and the ocean represents in the context of the story? Do you have a similar connection to a place or setting in your own life?
  9. The novel addresses the concept of generational trauma as Frank and Teresa’s journeys affect Lena and potentially her future choices. Have you identified any ripple effects of past generations in your larger family story?
  10. We all struggle at times with being our authentic selves. How does Lena’s struggle with her identity as the daughter of a gay parent evolve throughout the story? When have you struggled with embracing your true self?
  11. What does Lena’s choice to be an employment lawyer reveal about her character? Can you connect a dotted line from your personal history to some of the career paths you and your family members have taken?
  12. How does the novel address the challenges faced by LGBTQ individuals in different time periods? What has changed, and what remains the same?
  13. Teresa insists on keeping Frank’s sexuality a secret to protect the family based on motherly love and the time. How did this affect each family member? When it comes to protecting loved ones, do the ends always justify the means, or are there limits?
  14. The novel explores the concept of loyalty through many angles—Lena’s desire to adhere to her mother’s wishes to keep the family secret private, her desire to reconcile with her father and fully accept him, and her struggle to be true to herself. Loyalty is a powerful emotion. In what way has loyalty affected you and your actions?
  15. Have you ever had to forgive someone who hurt you? Discuss the role of forgiveness in the novel.
  16. How does the novel portray the impact of societal expectations on individual choices? Consider this in relation to Frank’s early life decisions and Lena’s career path.
  17. What role does religion, specifically Frank’s Italian Catholic background, play in the story?
  18. Discuss the role of Kate in Lena’s journey. How does their friendship impact Lena’s perspective on her own identity?
  19. How did the scene in the nail salon reflect Lena’s internal conflict and the broader themes of the novel? What would you have done if in her shoes?
  20. How does the wedding at the end of the novel bring together various themes and character arcs? Can you think of an event in your life that was both joyful and healing?
  21. What surprised you most about the novel and why?
  22. If this novel were adapted for film or television, who would you cast in the lead roles?
  23. Is there a particular line or quote from the book that stayed with you? What was it?
  24. The book’s title changed prior to publication. Do you think Everything We Thought Was True is a fitting title? Why, or why not?
  25. Are there lingering questions evoked by the book that you’re still thinking about?

Author’s Note from the Novel

Lisa MontanaroWhen I sat down to write the author’s note to explain the story behind this novel, I had to take a deep breath first, as I knew it would be personal. This is the book of my heart. The one I’ve written and rewritten. And although it was a beast at times, it felt important to write.

Writers of fiction are often asked, “How much of this book is real?” Every writer’s answer is different, and the author’s note is the hallowed place where we get to explain how we departed from the factual record. This book contains fragments of the truth filtered through the lens of fiction. The most important truth at the heart of this novel is that I’m the daughter of a gay father who came out in 1979 after being married to my mother for fourteen years. I’m so proud of my father and his journey to becoming who he truly is. But this isn’t my family’s story. Once I decided to create fictional characters, dialogue, and scenes, the writing flowed, and the story took on a life of its own.

One thing that is not fictional is the food at the center of this book, specifically spaghetti and peas, which led indirectly to this novel. It made me think about the emotional weight carried by recipes and how sometimes they define significant aspects of our upbringing, forever linked to a familial event.

Writing a novel is like making Italian gravy (otherwise known as pasta sauce to non-Italians!). The base includes fresh tomatoes, always. Nothing else will do. Add to that garlic, olive oil, basil, oregano, parsley, onion, salt, pepper, and the all-important Italian meats. Then you let it simmer for hours until not only your kitchen but your entire house smells absolutely delicious.

It’s the same with the fictionalization of a true story. You start with the “truth” based on personal experiences and those of people around you who you’ve had the pleasure of knowing. Those could be derived from real life events, childhood memories, journal entries, interviews with family members, or a reaction to a family photo. Then, on top of those, you layer imagined conversations you weren’t around for, characters and events you never planned on inserting into the novel but that barged their way in, and lots of pretend anecdotes that want to get in on the action. The ingredients blend, forming a gravy that might have started with the base of truth but now is entirely a work of fiction. You let it marinate until the novel is ready, and hopefully, the finished product is delicious.

As I wrote this novel, a lifetime of fleeting impressions helped me to develop the fictional characters and scenarios that appear in these pages. The scenes from New Rochelle and Long Island Sound reflect some of the geography and history of the area where my parents, grandparents, and great-grandparents lived when they emigrated from Italy. The town of Harrison in Westchester County, NY, where I grew up, inspired the fictional town of Johnston, where Lena and her family lived. Sights mentioned in both towns are based on a mix of actual and invented locations.

Many of the characters in this novel are people who do not quite fit into the boxes that others have set up for them. They struggle against stereotypes and the lives that other people expect them to lead based on gender, culture, sexual orientation, or religion. Their difficulties are both universal and specific to the times and places in which they live. This book took on a subject that is so necessary yet, sadly, still controversial in some circles – a closeted gay man, a family struggling with balancing the truth against maintaining privacy, the ripple effect of secrets, and unconditional love of all kinds.

Even fictional stories typically contain emotional truths. I wrote this book as someone with a vested interest in making the world a safer, more inclusive place for LGBTQ individuals and their family members and children. I wanted to show that although we have come a long way in some respects, we also have a long way to go. History repeats itself, and the current backlash of anti-LGBTQ laws sweeping some parts of the US places us squarely back to the times when the Antinori family had to hide their secret. I hope Lena, Frank, and Teresa’s journey can be educational. But more importantly, I hope it inspires compassion.

Writing this book has been one of the most challenging, yet rewarding, experiences of my life. I hope this book impacts you – by entertaining you, providing an escape, educating you, or changing the way you see and interact with the world. We are all a beautiful collage, comprised of the things we’ve experienced throughout our lives, both light and dark. My deepest wish is that after reading this book, others will be inspired to speak their truths too – and come out in their own ways.

Resources

Although Lena’s story strays from my own, we share the identity of being the child of a gay parent. Everything We Thought Was True is told from the perspective of “queerspawn”—the children who have always been in the shadows of the coming-out experience of their LGBTQ parents. Stefan Lynch, a cofounder of COLAGE, coined that term as an empowering way to take back the word queer, which was formerly used in a pejorative manner. While writing this book, I conducted detailed research on adult children of LGBTQ parents, and LGBTQ parents themselves, who were now out and proud but had lived a portion of their life closeted. My research included reading articles and books, watching films and television series, volunteering for an LGBTQ organization, and following blogs, podcasts, and social media groups. I realized that my experience was only a tiny fraction of the larger umbrella of LGBTQ families’ experiences. While specific conflicts experienced by the novel’s characters were fictional, they drew inspiration from real-life examples of what various LGBTQ families went through between the 1960s and present day.

If you’re interested in learning more, I recommend starting with these compassionate organizations: COLAGE, Family Equality, and the Queerspawn Resource Project.

There is no singular queerspawn experience. There are moving memoirs that offer different but fascinating insights into this identity. There are also excellent films and documentaries. All these works do an outstanding job of bringing to life some nuances of the experience of being the child of an LGBTQ parent, including capturing the sense of dual identity that many queerspawn individuals have felt. The below list is not exhaustive, and I encourage readers to continue their own exploration. The Queerspawn Resource Project curates an ever-growing list that centers the experiences of people with LGBTQ parents and caregivers at QueerspawnResource.org.

Queerspawn Related Books for Your Consideration

  • Fairyland: A Memoir of My Father by Alysia Abbott
  • This Terrible True Thing by Jenny Laden
  • Affliction: Growing Up with a Closeted Gay Dad by Laura Hall
  • Ashes to Ink by Lisa Lucca
  • The Other Mother by Rachel Harper
  • The Family Outing by Jessi Hempel
  • Famous Father Girl: A Memoir of Growing Up Bernstein by Jamie Bernstein

In addition to the above, the following books and media inspired me while writing Everything We Thought Was True and helped to fill my creative well!

Books and Media That Inspired Me While Writing Everything We Thought Were True

  • Family Drama Books

  • Commonwealth by Ann Patchett
  • We Are the Brennans by Tracey Lange
  • Varina Pallidino’s Jersey Italian Love Story by Terri-Lynne DeFino
  • A Very Typical Family by Sierra Godfrey
  • The Most Fun We Ever Had by Clare Lombardo
  • TV Shows

  • This Is Us
  • Grace and Frankie
  • Nuclear Family
  • LGBTQ Books

  • The Great Believers by Rebecca Makkai
  • A Little Life by Hanya Yanagihara
  • Big Gay Wedding by Byron Lane
  • My Secret to Keep by Barbara Conrey
  • Films and Documentaries

  • Uncle Frank
  • Maestro
  • Bohemian Rhapsody
  • Far From Heaven

LGBTQ History Timeline

1940’s

The Lavender Scare – the practice of mass dismissal from government service of LGBTQ individuals based on their being an alleged national security risk and communist sympathizers.

1959

First gay uprising on Main Street in Los Angeles when police attempt to arrest individuals for attending a gay meeting at a Cooper Do-Nuts café.

1966

Compton Cafeteria Riot in San Francisco – a riot and protest following a police raid at a popular gathering spot for the LGBTQ community.

1970

Inaugural Gay Pride Week. A year after the Stonewall Uprising, to mark the anniversary, the first gay pride marches took place in Chicago, Los Angeles, New York, and San Francisco.

1973

An unresolved arson fire at the Upstairs Lounge gay bar in New Orleans kills thirty-two people and injures fifteen more and is the worst mass murder of gay Americans until 2016.

1978

Gilbert Baker creates the rainbow flag as a symbol for the gay-liberation movement, and it flies during the San Francisco Pride Parade.

1982

HIV is first identified.

1985

The first memorial to the Nazis’ gay victims is unveiled at Neuengamme concentration camp.

1990

The World Health Organization removes homosexuality from its classification of diseases.

1995

The Dachau Memorial Museum installs a pink-triangle plaque to commemorate the suffering of LGBTQ individuals by the Nazis during WWII.

1996

The U.S. Congress passes the Defense of Marriage Act, which is signed into law by President Bill Clinton. It bans federal recognition of same-sex marriages by limiting the definition of marriage to the union of one man and one woman, and it further allows states to refuse to recognize same-sex marriages granted under the laws of other states.

1998

Executive Order 13087 from President Bill Clinton prohibits discrimination based on sexual orientation in the workplace. However, it does not extend to the military.

2004

The first legal same-sex marriage ceremony in the US takes place on February 12, 2004, when mayor of San Francisco Gavin Newsom orders city hall to issue marriage licenses to same-sex couples. On May 17, 2004, Massachusetts becomes the first US state to recognize same-sex marriage.

2010

The Netherlands becomes the first country to legalize same-sex marriage.

2013

The Supreme Court strikes down the Defense of Marriage Act and rules that California’s Proposition 8 ban on same-sex marriage is unconstitutional, making California the thirteenth state where same-sex couples can marry.

2016

A mass shooting at Pulse, a gay nightclub in Orlando, Florida, kills forty-nine people and wounds fifty-three more and is the deadliest attack on an LGBTQ gathering in history.

2021

Pete Buttigieg is sworn in as the US Secretary of Transportation, becoming the first openly gay member of the US Cabinet.

2022

Florida Governor Ron DeSantis signs the Parental Rights in Education Act, commonly known as the “Don’t Say Gay” law, prohibiting classroom instruction and discussion about sexual orientation and gender identity in schools, as well as expanding book-banning procedures and censoring health curriculum and instruction. The law prevents students from talking about their LGBTQ family members and LGBTQ history, creating a chilling effect and promoting a culture of fear and silence. Other states use the Florida law as a template to pass prohibitions on classroom instruction and discussion on gender identity or sexual orientation, including Alabama, Arkansas, Indiana, Iowa, Kentucky, and North Carolina.

1950’s

McCarthyism – the political repression and persecution of individuals, including those in the LGBTQ community, based on alleged communist leanings, spearheaded by US Senator Joseph McCarthy.

1962

Illinois is the first US state to remove sodomy law and behavior by “consenting adults in private” from its criminal code.

1969

Stonewall Uprising – a series of demonstrations by members of the gay community in response to a violent police raid at the Stonewall Inn in Greenwich Village, NY. The riots are widely regarded as a pivotal moment that brought about significant changes in the gay-liberation movement and the twentieth-century fight for LGBTQ rights in the US.

1977

Harvey Milk becomes the first openly gay person to be elected to public office in California but tragically gets assassinated less than a year later in 1978.

1980

An antigay shooting at the Ramrod Bar, a popular gay spot in Greenwich Village, NY, featured in the Village People’s “YMCA” music video, kills two men and injures six more.

1983

Rock Hudson dies of AIDS.

1987

The American Psychiatric Association removes homosexuality and sexual orientation disturbance from its official list of psychiatric disorders.

1994

The US military’s “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” policy takes effect, banning openly LGBTQ individuals from military service, creating a culture of secrecy and closeted existence for non-heterosexual people.

1996

Rent opens on Broadway and features gay characters living with, and dying from, AIDS.

1997

Ellen DeGeneres comes out, and so does the character based on her, making that television show the first to feature a lesbian or gay lead character, only to be cancelled by the network a year later.

1998

The hate crime murder of Matthew Shepard. Two men brutally beat Matthew Shepard – a gay Laramie, Wyoming, college student – tie him to a fence, and leave him overnight. He dies six days later.

2003

The US Supreme Court overturns sodomy laws, proclaiming rights to privacy and decriminalizing homosexual behavior.

2009

Congress passes the Matthew Shepard and James Byrd Jr. Hate Crimes Prevention Act, signed into law by President Barack Obama.

2011

The US military repeals the “Don’t Ask Don’t Tell” policy.

2015

The Supreme Court strikes down all state bans on same-sex marriage, legalizing it in all fifty states and requiring states to honor out-of-state marriage licenses.

2020

The Supreme Court extends protection to LGBTQ individuals against employment discrimination in the private sector.

2022

The U.S. Congress passes the Respect for Marriage Act, which is signed into law by President Joe Biden. It repeals the Defense of Marriage Act and requires the U.S. federal government and all U.S. states and territories (though not tribes) to recognize the validity of same-sex and interracial marriages in the United States.

2024

The settlement of a lawsuit brought by Equality Florida and other advocacy groups clarifies that Florida’s Don’t Say Gay Law doesn’t prohibit discussing LGBTQ people as long as it’s not part of formal school instruction.

2024

Voters in the states of California, Hawaii, and Colorado vote to codify protections for same-sex marriage rights in their state constitutions.

Food & Recipes

Food plays a significant part in the novel and in every Italian family, so I’ve included some recipes that appear within the pages. If you make any, snap a pic and send it to me – or post on social media and tag me. For a book club, I highly recommend serving Prosecco.

Salute… Cheers!

Cappuccino

A cappuccino is an Italian espresso drink traditionally enjoyed in the morning, made with equal parts double espresso, steamed milk, and milk foam on top. Cream may be used instead of milk. It’s smaller in volume than a latte and has a thicker layer of foam. Espresso is made with dark roast coffee and ground finely.

In Italian, cappuccino means “little cap,” which aptly describes the head of foamed milk that sits atop the drink’s espresso base. Fun fact – the plural of cappuccino in Italian is cappuccini! So, next time you order more than one, ask for it the Italian way!

It takes some practice to make a great cappuccino at home. You’ll want an espresso machine with a built-in steaming wand. Ours is the Italian brand, DeLonghi, and we love it!

Ingredients

  • 2 tablespoons finely ground dark roast Italian coffee (I recommend Illy Classico)
  • 4 ounces water
  • 4 ounces whole milk
  • Cocoa powder – optional to dust on top, the way the Italians do

Visit https://www.illy.com/en-us/coffee/coffee-preparation/how-to-make-cappuccino for details on how to make a great cappuccino at home!

cappuccino
a bottle of Prosecco

Prosecco

Light-bodied and refreshing, this white sparkling wine hails from Northeastern Italy (specifically the Veneto and Friuli-Venezia Giulia regions). Prosecco is produced from the Glera grape variety. It’s dry with notes from tropical fruit to vanilla and honeycomb. It pairs well with appetizers, spicy food, dessert, and of course, any Italian dishes!

My absolute favorite brand of Prosecco is La Marca! Salute!

Spaghetti & Peas – Pasta e Piselli

Pasta and peas (pasta e piselli in Italian) is a classic Italian dish that’s all about simplicity. It’s traditionally made with just a few pantry staples, and you can use any form of pasta you like.

Ingredients:

  • Olive oil – a generous amount to cover bottom of saucepan
  • 1 medium onion – chopped
  • 3 cloves of garlic
  • 6 large Roma tomatoes, or 2 cups of cherry tomatoes, diced (or canned San Marzano tomatoes or a jar of your favorite Italian marinara sauce if you absolutely must!)
  • Parsley, basil, oregano, salt and pepper
  • Crushed red pepper flakes – optional (they add a touch of heat!)
  • 3.5 cups peas (approximately 15 oz.) – fresh, frozen, or canned
  • Spaghetti or your favorite form of pasta (quantity to your preference)
  • Parmigiano Reggiano cheese

On a medium to low flame, heat enough olive oil to cover the entire bottom of your sauce- pan. Add chopped onion and garlic. Cook for 5-7 minutes or until soft and slightly browned. Add tomatoes, as well as parsley, basil, oregano, salt, pepper. Stir frequently until comes to a boil. Add peas.

While the sauce is simmering, boil water in a separate pot and add a pinch of salt. Once the water is ready, add spaghetti/pasta and cook until al dente (usually 10-12 minutes). Drain when done. Add sauce to pasta and mix well, marrying the flavors together.

Serve in bowls with plenty of shredded or grated Parmesan on top, and if you’ve got bread on hand, turn it into garlic bread. Add some delicious Chianti red wine and you are good to go!

Music Playlists

A musical journey to go along with the Antinori’s family “opera.”

I’ve included a playlist for each of the three main characters. The playlist features songs from the dual timelines of the novel, from the late 1960s to 2015. Some of these songs worked their way into the manuscript itself. Other songs helped me to get into a character’s head or capture the mood of a scene. Some songs I played on repeat during the years of drafting and revising. You can listen on your own when reading the book or consider playing one of the playlists during your book club event. If additional songs barge their way into your imagination while you’re reading the novel, please let me know!

Happy listening!

Teresa’s Playlist

  • I Got You, Babe – Sonny and Cher
  • The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face – Roberta Flack
  • Ebb Tide – Frank Sinatra
  • Here You Come Again – Dolly Parton
  • Let Me Go, Lover – Connie Francis
  • Dreams – Fleetwood Mac
  • Marys of the Sea – Tori Amos
  • Someone That I Used to Love – Barbara Streisand
  • The Winner Takes It All – Abba
  • No More Tears (Enough is Enough) – Barbara Streisand and Donna Summer
  • Looking Through the Eyes of Love – Melissa Manchester
  • Guilty – Barbara Streisand
  • What’s Love Got to With It – Tina Turner
  • Hero – Mariah Carey

Frank’s Playlist

  • Can’t Take My Eyes Off of You – Frankie Valli & The Four Seasons
  • Ebb Tide – Frank Sinatra
  • Nessun Dorma from Turandot opera – Puccini
  • Un bel dì, Vedremo from Madama Butterfly opera – Puccini
  • I Believe in Miracles (You Sexy Thing) – Hot Chocolate
  • Love of My Life – Queen
  • I Would Die for You – Prince
  • Don’t Leave Me This Way – Thelma Houston
  • Right On Time – Brandi Carlisle
  • All of Me – John Legend

Lena’s Playlist

  • Little Earthquakes – Tori Amos
  • Don’t Cry Out Loud – Melissa Manchester
  • If I Didn’t Love You, I’d Hate You – Squeeze
  • Comfortably Numb – Pink Floyd
  • Silent All These Years – Tori Amos
  • No One Is to Blame – Howard Jones
  • Seasons of Love – Rent
  • For Good – Wicked
  • Story – Brandi Carlisle
  • Until the Last Moment – Yanni
  • Alive – Jennifer Lopez

I like to share updates on my author journey, book recommendations, musings on the writing life and community, and introduce you to great authors.